Reflections on 2020

           

           “What about Costa Rica?” said Ayla.

            “Or Spain?” added Bruce.

            “I’d love to move to Canada,” I said. “but I think it’s too expensive for us.”

            “They’re having problems there, too,” replied Ayla.

            Even Art joined in to the conversation proposing Mexico as a possibility.

            “Where else is there to live that might be a real possibility?” I asked. 

            This conversation took me by complete surprise when our friends Ayla and Bruce were at our house in December. This was not about where we would take our next trip but a result of deep worries over how we will live in America if the Democrats don’t get elected in November.  We have never had talks like this with friends before nor have we ever begun to think seriously about the possibility of living outside the U.S.. (These days I find myself thinking more about Mother and Dad.  Growing up abroad, I remember how they held up the US to my brothers and me for being a beacon of law, order, freedom and respect. How ironic that so much of that has changed with our current government.) 

My family - Americans living abroad in Argentina in 1955

            Perhaps this is why I look at the calendar, three weeks into a new year, and no resolutions have come to me. There is so much to be done it’s overwhelming but I suddenly feel like the real  fight for change is now in the hands of younger generations.  Yes, I will continue to reject plastic bags in stores to help with climate change.  I will vote Democratic in all elections and give money to organizations that are trying to improve life for those less fortunate.  I will champion my son and daughter-in-law who understand and believe that there is more to life than making money, moving to a bigger house, and buying into the materialistic American existence. I am proud of the statement they have made towards climate change installing solar panels on their roof (even though they can easily afford electric bills), sending Austin to a diverse inner city charter school where he is immersed in learning Spanish and focusing on caring for the environment, and choosing careers in international development and human rights where their skills are needed and where they want to make a difference. 

Years have come and gone and I have always made resolutions on January 1st.  I learned this as child from my parents. Every year we were taught to make resolutions to be better people .  

           My Five Year Diary,  which I had in Buenos Aires when I was 10, starts with an entry on January 1, 955… I cleaned out my room. 

            On January 1st, 1956 I was taking resolutions more seriously and noted…My resolutions: obey Mother, be generous, be kind.

            On January 1st, 1958 at 13,  I was becoming more self-centered and noted…I forgot to make New Year’s resolutions.

I began this new year and this decade in a more reflective mood. I think about how Art and I will celebrate 45 years of marriage, and each of us will turn 75. Those are lifetime achievements many never reach. I think about us -  once two young people who met in faraway Asunción, Paraguay working at the American School. We came from opposite backgrounds and families…me from having grown up abroad and living the expat life and Art having been raised in a close-knit Jewish family living in New Haven, Conn.  How did we have the courage to each go off on our own and what were the chances we would leave two years later, deciding to marry and build a life together?  What were the odds that we would stay together and relying on one another now more than ever?  Turning 75 sounds old to me and yet we haven’t given up travel, exercise, living independently, and the desire to keep learning. So 75 is just a number for us.

This year and this decade I have given myself “permission” to spend time reflecting on the past and recording it. I want to leave some written stories of my unusual childhood growing up in South American in the late 1940’s and 50’s.  I want to document Art’s and my adventures – places we’ve lived and trips we’ve taken.  I want to finally bring together and self- publish my Dubai Diary documenting 2 years of a “fairy tale” existence in the Middle East.  I want to tackle the hundreds of personal letters that fill a two-drawer filing cabinet in the office…letters my Mother wrote home from South America between 1943 and 1960 and letters I wrote home from the time I went away in 1960 and lived all over the world until 1990 when email started. 

    My college roommate, whom I’ve been close to for over 50 years, and who has dedicated her retirement to genealogy, transcribing family letters, and writing family history, wrote me in an email recently… in my genealogical reading, I’m learning that letters today are almost sacred, since no one writes them anymore.. .no one can read them anymore…Please do NOT throw out ANY of your diaries and letters to and from anybody ! I recognize that letters hold a gold mine of information if you have the patience to read them.  I need her encouragement with all of this when I’m surrounded by retirees who are not choosing to do these things.

Terrie and I in Vermont - summer 2010

My biggest champion is Hayden who wrote me in an email this week, I hope your memoirs start coming together.  It’s so important that you are capturing all of that for me and Austin and future generations. My mentor with all of this, who lead by example, was Mother who wrote all her life and left us with stories, memoirs, a novel, and her single spaced two and three page typed letters she wrote about my growing up years.  She is gone now but I hear her voice strongly when I read her stories…she is there and always will be.  What a gift!

            There are many unknowns this year with big questions that boggle the mind.  Will our country and its democratic principles continue to unravel? Will things change to bring back some morality, some sense of purpose and a unity we no longer have?  Will we continue to entertain conversations as we started to have with Bruce and Ayla about where we might go to live in the future?  I’d like to say no to all of this.  In the meantime, I realize the immense value and critical necessity to document and leave a legacy of my family history for future generations.

Future generations...