Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Do we really know who are neighbors are?

            A strange car was parked on our small dead-end street last week.  It was a seemingly abandoned white sedan and especially noticeable because it had rust spots and dents, and looked like it was at least fifteen years old. I hate to sound snobby but it was not your typical Biltmore Lake resident’s car. We knew it didn’t belong to any of our immediate neighbors.  “ Perhaps it belongs to a workman,” I thought.  We have dozens of construction workers all around us building new houses seven days a week.   Surely it would be gone in a few hours.
            The next few days passed with the mysterious white car still parked in the same spot. No indications that it had been driven. Those of us who live on this “no outlet” street called Black Horse Run, notice these things. Our section has four attached townhouses and we share the common area in front with the garbage pick up trucks, the landscapers, daily visits from the mailman, the occasional UPS or FED EX truck, the cleaning woman, the dog walker, and any friends or family, local or out of town, who park temporarily in front of one of our houses.
            Still, by the weekend no one had moved the battered car. It was starting to be annoying   I kept wondering who would have the nerve to dump an old car on Black Horse Run?  My neighbor D. kept saying she should call the police and report it but she didn’t. She often has complaints about living here but rarely speaks out. 
On Sunday we walked by the car after a morning hike and I noticed something new.  Two neatly printed signs were propped up on the dashboard and in the rear window. They had not been there before.  Typed in big computer print, they read,  “This car belongs to Richard H.  If you have inquiries please call me at ……”.    Inquiries?  Was this car for sale or a give away? 
Mr. H. lives in the next section of townhouses from ours. A recently divorced, man who owns a construction company he has an assortment of vehicles which are ever changing – from trucks to motorcycles, jeeps and spiffy SUV’s. But all are very new looking.  They are never all here at once.  New and different cars are parked in his driveway. He also uses his neighbor’s driveway, since they are rarely here. Once he parked a big truck in front of our townhouses and left it for nearly a week till my next-door neighbor B. nearly rammed into it trying to get out of her garage.  He moved his truck and it disappeared for a while.
Yesterday there were no signs that the car would be moved.  I told Art, “He shouldn’t get away with storing his junky old car on our end of Black Horse Run”.  Art agreed to call the number on the sign in the car window.  And he did.  I heard him leave a very polite message on behalf of the residents at our end.  Within a half hour, the phone rang and it was Mr. H.  Art talked to him and then hung up.
            “What did he say?” I asked, imagining his refusal or at least an explanation.
            “He will have it moved tomorrow morning,” Art told me.
            “Is that all he said?”  I asked
            “No…he thanked me for having the guts to call him.”
            “What???” I was astounded.  Was this neighbor testing us to see how long it would take one of us to call him up and complain?  It certainly seemed so.
            Then Art quietly reminded me of the horrific shootings of three Muslim college students in Chapel Hill recently.  Supposedly they had been gunned down in their apartment over a parking dispute with a neighbor.  The event shocked all of us in North Carolina and the murderer is now preparing an insanity defense. 
            Art reminded me once again about the kind of society we live in now.  No one speaks out just in case they might trigger some anger or hate as happened in Chapel Hill.  “But this is beautiful Biltmore Lake,” I wanted to counter. All I could think of is perhaps we should not be trusting our neighbors even here. 

            Today when I came home at noon, the battered white car was gone as promised but now parked up in Mr. H’s neighbor’s driveway on the other side of his townhouse.  AND to make things even more interesting he has posted his own big sign on a wooden stand in front of his house.  The sign says his townhouse is available for lease or sale immediately and he quotes a price.  In some ways we’d all breathe a sigh of relief if he just moved on. In the meantime, Art has become the hero of our end of Black Horse Run because “he had the guts to call”.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Voices of Our Mothers and Grandmothers...

Voices of our mothers…

The phone rang this morning while I was eating breakfast.  Angelica, the Mexican woman I tutor, was calling. This usually means she has to cancel class. 
            “Como estas, Angelica?” I greeted her. She told me that they had had a flood in her basement last night where we usually have our English class.  Timidly she suggested perhaps I’d better not come today since “el plomero” was on his way to see what the cause was.
            No hay problema,” I heard myself say reassuringly.  Of course, we could cancel and meet another day.  When I hung up the “no hay problema” kept replaying itself in my head. “It is Mother’s voice,” I thought.
“No hay problema” is the reassuring Spanish reply to something distressful.  It was Mother’s mantra especially the last years of her life.  Despite her lack of proficiency in Spanish, as the peacemaker in our family, Mother adopted “no hay problema” and used it over and over in the years after she no longer lived in Latin America.  I can hear her soothing Dad, who was easily upset by small mishaps, with “no hay problema”. She meant, “it’s going to be alright.”  Or in the last months of her life when someone was off schedule at Heather Glen where she lived, she’d tell me about it and then quickly add  “no hay problema”.  It was her way of looking on the bright side of things.
            Having relied on Art all my adult life as the “everything is going to be alright” partner, I find myself wanting to be more of a “no hay problema” person.  Perhaps it’s because I miss my mother all the time. There was so much about her that I loved and admired but towards the end, it was her strength to keep going when faced with difficult health issues that left me awestruck.  She lived her mantra of ”no hay problema” reassuring herself, and everyone who loved her that all was well right up till the very end.


My Mother and Jenny's Mum

            Voices of our mothers

Jenny, my English sister who lives in London wrote an email yesterday about helping eleven-year-old granddaughter, Emily, with a sewing project for school. Emily needed to make something related to World War II.  She wanted to sew a dress.  Jenny does not sew and suggested a skirt.  She hoped that would be easier. Knowing I love to sew she related what a long and stressful day it was for her.  Emily did make her first skirt. She told her grandmother that she would call the project “make do and mend” which was a slogan during the war when clothes and material were on ration and precious.
Although Mum has been gone for 26 years now I still miss her and so wished she was with me yesterday.  She would have loved to see Emily “dressmaking”…and oh, how I wished I’d listened to her when I was younger… (when she wanted to teach Jenny to sew). 

Voices of our grandmothers…

“Our grandson, just had his first birthday party in February,” I was telling an acquaintance at church last week.  “But we didn’t get to go because of all the wintry weather in Washington, Even the party had to be postponed for a day.”
“We’ll go in April, instead,” I added to reassure myself that we will see him soon.  As a grandmother I want to be an important part of his life.
 The conversation could have ended there but suddenly I found myself launching into the story of my grandmother and my 8th birthday party. …to someone I didn’t really know all that well.
“I grew up in Latin America, and lived far away from my grandmother,”  I found myself revealing to this person.   ‘We did go back to Iowa for visits every few years and the summer I was 8 years old we were on “home leave” from Argentina .  My grandmother was so thrilled to see me.  I remember her telling me that what she missed the most was never being able to be with me on my birthday which was in September.”
Perhaps it was a spur of the moment thought she had but she told me I could have a birthday party that week even though it was June.  That way she’d just pretend it was my real birthday.  Being a self-confident 8-year-old, I took her at her word and went all over the neighborhood inviting any child I could find to my birthday party at 1242 43rd Street – my grandmother’s house.  Years later my mother told me that Grandmother was taken aback when so many children showed up in her back yard for the party.  I was delighted but it probably was more than she had bargained for.”
            As I walked out of church I wondered why I had revealed all of that to someone I didn’t know very well. The voice of Grandmother and the memory was so strong, I had to tell it to someone right then.

            Voices of our grandmothers…

            A few weeks ago an email arrived from my cousin Blythe whom I haven’t seen in several decades.  She loved my mother and has suddenly been writing to me often about how much she thinks of Aunt Virginia and misses her.  But this last email brought tears when I she wrote
            I am doing some watercolor painting now, took a class a few months back and all my personal painting sessions with Grandma Blythe came flooding into my head (our grandmother was a talented artist and painted all her life)…was wonderful…encouraging!  Now it is our turn to be Grandmas and make memories…for our grandchildren.

            Voices of loved ones

            When I was a child and someone died, my mother always told us that in death you live in on the minds and the hearts of the people that loved you.  I suppose we accepted that explanation as something adults tell you without understanding what it meant
Now I am a grandmother andI am listening to those familiar voices of the past that live in my head and deep in my heart... Someday perhaps I will be cherished in just this way by surviving loved ones.



Mother - 1919-2014



Sunday, March 8, 2015

Ushering in a New Decade



           Turning 70 is like the new 50 …or so we like to think.  Turning 70 does sound old and as our dear friend Mary Rojas wrote to Art this week,” you just want people to look at you and say, you certainly don’t look 70!”  I watched Art all day March 6th amazed at how gracefully he transitioned into this new decade.  I wonder how I will handle it when my turn comes.
            This second milestone of 2015 came right on the heels of our 40th wedding anniversary in February, which we did not celebrate because of an ice storm in Asheville. (We will mark the 40th with a special trip to Portugal in May.) So Art’s 70th birthday called for something special here and now. 
            I invited three couples for dinner on Friday night, choosing some of our favorite people who really appreciate and love Art.   They came as FOA’s…friends of Art, which has now become a private joke amongst all who came to the party.  I spent the week pouring over recipes, buying the ingredients at 4 to 5 different grocery stores which one tends to do in this “foodie” town of Asheville.  As the most special part of the dinner I ordered a Karen Donatelli birthday cake from the French bakery downtown.  (Hayden & Jessica’s wedding cake was designed and made by Karen Donatelli.)
            I shopped for more champagne flutes and stemmed water glasses, ironed the white table cloth, and got out Mother’s delicate flowered English china of which there is enough to serve 24 guests.  I set a spectacular table with a centerpiece of fresh yellow tulips in a Waterford crystal vase, compliments of Trader Joe’s. 
Early on Friday Art went with me for last minute shopping and while checking out at Trader Joe’s he asked the clerk, “Are there any promotions for people having birthdays today?”  I looked at him in surprise.  “Sure,” said the clerk without batting an eye  “We could give you some flowers…” We came home with the yellow tulips. 
Art had been enjoying the various birthday emails popping up during his day on Friday such as a free car wash from the Honda dealer.  We had a good laugh at the email from Medicare offering him a free visit to an obesity clinic for his birthday!  So I suppose he was on a roll with his promotions and just carried it right into TJ”s. 
We picked up the chocolate amaretto cake elaborately decorated with ganache, raspberries, blackberries, and chocolate dipped strawberries.   I could not resist taking a photo and posting it on Facebook. An outpouring of “likes” and “comments” ensued on my FB page from Manila, to Abu Dhabi, to Jakarta to Asuncion…from Vermont to all over the US.  I kept sharing them throughout the day with Art who is totally clueless about FB but loves it when I share photos and comments from people we’ve known for years all over the world.  He kept exclaiming “Imagine everyone all over the world thinking of me today…all because you put up that cake photo on FB!”  He was tickled.
Art was in rare form during his party, so excited to be celebrating in a big way with all his FOA’s.  Our evening was full of many loving toasts, the most eloquent from Art himself who thanked everyone for making his day so special…and for me, of course.  The Prosecco flowed, followed by the dinner starting with an Arugula and (fresh) Pear Salad, Baked Salmon with a Caper Cream Sauce, Fresh Asparagus with Toasted Pine Nuts and Basmati Rice with herbs.  The cake was sensational…light and not too sweet.  Art swiftly blew out 7 candles representing 70 imaginary ones. The birthday dinner was a complete success.
Most of all it was a joy to see Art so content enjoying his celebration more than anyone. 
            “It was not just another low keyed birthday,” he to me later. “I never realized how big a milestone this is”.
            Perhaps from now on each and every birthday should be extra special as twe enter a new decade of our lives.


FOA's


Karen Donatelli's Masterpiece