Before the holidays I began dreading the conversations around me focussed on “What are you doing for the holidays this year?’ When that question comes up it is often an opening for someone to tell you what their plans are. A neighbor of mine told me that their son had sent them First Class tickets to fly to San Francisco to spend Christmas with her three young granddaughters. Another friend was expecting her two daughters and their families for the entire week! Everyone around me seemed to be involved with family in what sounded like wonderful ways. With no plans of our own, I was feeling vulnerable and, if I am honest, a bit sorry for myself. (This was NOT our year to spend Christmas with Hayden, Austin and Jessica because it was Jessica's turn to go to her family.) Intellectually that seems very fair…emotionally it isn’t easy when it’s not my turn.
Austin visiting Santa in Washington D.C.
Two or three weeks prior to Christmas, I woke up one morning thinking of the abundance in my life and rather ashamed of forgetting this while being stuck on comparing myself to everyone else. So, I set an intention right then and there. I decided that having no holiday plans would actually be liberating and that I would celebrate my freedom during what can be a stressful time for many. I wouldn’t have to travel anywhere when travel is unpredictable around Christmas. I wouldn’t have to feel anxious preparing for big holiday meals and all the things that are required “getting ready” for the big day. I wouldn't have to go into stores for that last minute gift buying because I had already ordered gifts online and had them sent. I could take one day at a time, do whatever I pleased, and just see what happened. I felt a weight lifting just thinking about the possibilities...
Roses from Art to brighten up our lives...
I told Art we needed an ongoing “project” to work on in the evenings…one of those many “decluttering” projects in life we talk about but never follow through on. I proposed we tackle the plastic bins full of old family photos that have become totally disorganized. We needed to label photos we should keep, and make decisions to throw out old pictures we no longer care about. I also thought I would set aside some old photos and send them back to family members or friends who might want them. Not only were we tackling one of those “clearing out” projects together but as we sorted, Art began to say over and over again, “what a remarkable life we’ve had. Can you believe all the places we’ve lived and travelled to?” How could I forget that? "
During those pre-Christmas days when everyone around me was frantically getting ready for the holidays, we were enjoying planning each day. We made an occasion out of going to lunch at restaurants we have wanted to try but never do. I invited some different friends for dinner at our house and enjoyed being creative and making some new recipes. We looked forward to the mail delivery every afternoon, in a way we never do unless it’s Christmas. Opening and reading aloud Christmas cards led to a pleasant ritual over a cup of tea and time to reminisce. We went to the movies when we felt like it. I enjoyed some long evenings lost in a good book. The dreaded pre-holiday time turned into a special time to be savored.
On Christmas Hayden called from New Jersey where he was with with Jess's family. We thanked each other for our gifts we had opened and then Hayden said, “ I bought tickets for me and Austin to come to Asheville in early February while Jess is away on her work trip to Uganda. ” I was not looking for more Christmas gifts but the anticipation of a visit from Hayden and Austin was a lovely unexpected surprise. I simply put this in my thoughts on abundance.
Austin going to school on "Christmas Sweater Day"
On Christmas Day Art and I celebrated with a fancy lunch at the Biltmore Estate. But even more special were the positive and loving phone calls from both my brothers who live in Nevada and California and do not communicate often. Plus a long phone call from Megan, my niece in California, who told me she had set aside an hour on Christmas Day for a long overdue phone chat with me!
Lunch at the Deer Park Restaurant on the Biltmore Estate
It definitely feels like a cliche to admit that, “I turned a corner” unexpectedly this December even with no plans and feeling I did not fit into the scenario of “wonderfulness” that this time of year is supposed to be. When I stopped comparing myself to everyone else about having no family to celebrate with this year, I noticed people who were alone like my neighbor who started a new job and had to work Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I thought of Art's favorite cousin bravely battling cancer. I thought of a dear cousin of mine going through a divorce. I thought about those who have lost loved ones just as I lost my mother 3 years ago at this time.
It was this holiday season more than any I can remember recently that woke me up to being grateful for all I have. This holiday season I felt keenly tuned in to all the abundance in my life. I am now taking this intention into the new year and I must say it feels absolutely right.
