A Special Niece...

     

    Megan at the Biltmore Estate

           Megan, our niece, visited us this week in Asheville.  Looking at her sitting in the beige leather recliner in our living room with her laptop open, she looked exactly like the young girl who spent so many of her school breaks and holidays with us over the years.   With her blonde hair pulled back neatly in a pony tail, wearing her glasses, and her petite size you would never guess she is now in her early 40’s,  a married woman, mom to two children, and a college professor of psychology. 

            As her elderly aunt, I have known her in all stages of her life. One image I have is of her as a little girl with a head full of blonde curls playing dress up…a favorite pastime.  Her mother never fussed at her even if she changed her clothes a half dozen times a day which she loved to do. In middle school came to visit us in Princeton, NJ with her Mom and brother, Ian. She and I were reminiscing about the day we drove to Liberty Park and took the ferry boat to the Statue of Liberty for an up close look at this American icon.  It was a hot day and everyone wanted an ice cream but somehow we didn’t get one.  We couldn’t remember exactly why.  When we bought the Vermont house in 1990 Megan and Ian came East with their Mom for a summer visit in the Green Mountains.  The cousins had fun in our spring-fed cold pond and walking the roads up at Great Hawk Mountain.

            I remember Megan in a  sage green flowered princess style dress which she wore for her graduation from middle school. I was at her high school graduation from Marin Academy when she proudly walked across the stage to receive her diploma in a white, below-the-knee length dress.  We cheered for her as she beamed with pride and excitement.  Then she was off to Mills College and eventually earned a scholarship to the University of Minnesota for graduate studies and her doctorate in clinical psychology. 

Megan came to visit us often from Minneapolis flying into the Burlington, Vermont airport.  We would drive up from Rochester to meet her whether it was Thanksgiving, Christmas  4^thof July, or spring break.  We spotted her coming down the long hallway at the airport carrying her backpack full of heavy school books and her computer. I would fuss at her for carrying so much weight. She would smile sweetly at me and say, “Kris, I’m  fine…”  Just last Sunday, we met her at the Asheville Airport carrying a heavy backpack .  It took me back 20 years. “Megan, I can’t believe this heavy backpack you are carrying,” I exclaimed.  “It must weigh a hundred pounds!”  She smiled sweetly just as she always had and said “I’m fine.”  Then I had to remind myself she is now an adult and why was I still telling her the same things I had when she was a student?

One Christmas in Vermont when Megan was with us, she told me  about Cruz Carlos, a Ph.D. Civil Engineer from the U. of California at Berkeley whom she had met online and was dating. This was exciting news.  As things progressed in her relationship with Cruz, he had a job offer in Boston. Megan decided to go with him and she found a teaching job in the area.  Megan, my California niece would be living in Boston, a mere 3 hour drive from us in Vermont. She called and asked if she could bring Cruz to meet us.  “Of course,” I told her.  They came for weekends and even spent a  Christmas with us in Vermont.. Not surprising that their stay in Boston was short-lived. After  two New England winters and they were ready to go back to California even though Megan had lived in Minneapolis for 6 years. Cruz, a Texan by birth, requested a transfer and got it. Megan and Cruz even came to Dubai before they were married and took full advantage of our being there to travel half way around the world for the adventure of it all and to see us.

When Cruz proposed,  Megan called me to tell me the news. Then she began to plan her dream wedding a year and a half away for May 2010. She wanted it all, from the long white wedding dress to seven bridesmaids and groomsmen.  I remembered her delight in playing “dress up” as a child and how lovely and tasteful her graduation dresses always were. I saw then that she was truly a romantic unlike her mother and even me.  She was by far the most beautiful bride I had seen in a strapless lace dress that hugged her tiny slim figure, her usual pony tail combed up and into a stylish swirl, wearing contact lenses to replace her glasses, and make up that was professionally done.  Her glittery decorated comfy tennis shoes were hidden by the long skirt of her dress so she could walk easily and be on her feet for hours. She had thought of everything.

 "Fairy tale" bride...

 She and Cruz asked  Art if he would be the officiant and marry them at the wedding. She asked me to make seven necklaces for her bridesmaids that would go with their baby blue long dresses.  I scoured  bead stalls in the Chinese market in Dubai and bought freshwater pearls to bring home. I designed the necklaces the winter we were back in Vermont before her May wedding. My cousin, Susi and I gave her a shower and we hosted a brunch the morning of the wedding at Susi's big Houston home. I baked six quiches, and we made salad and cut up huge bowls of fresh fruit to feed nearly thirty women guests for brunch!  It was fun and Susi and I did it out of love for Megan because she is an easy person to love and do things for.  

Megan and Art at the Biltmore Estate

It has been eight years since that May wedding.  After Noah was born and when he was two years old Megan had a spring break with no plans and called to ask if she and Noah could visit. She sent me a ticket to San Francisco so I could fly out and spend a few days with her and help her come to Asheville with Noah.  She stayed a week and we had fun with a toddler in the house for the first time.   Cruz came in a week to pick her up and help her on the trip back to California.  Two years later we had planned a big Christmas in Asheville with Megan and her family and Hayden and his family.  Sadly, Mother died just a few weeks before the reunion we had so carefully planned.  They came anyway and we had a memorial service and Christmas and we all took comfort in being together.  Now Megan has Corilynne who is almost 2 and travel is not so easy at the moment.

Last week Cruz took the kids to Texas to visit his family and Megan came to Asheville by herself.  The minute she walked in the door I felt she was at home even though she had not been here for four years.  She has been with us so often throughout her life that we consider her “one of our own”. She was born two days after my birthday in September almost 42 years ago now. It is uncanny how alike we are in so many of our personality traits. We are both true Virgos - that is, if you believe Zodiac signs and personality predictions.   Megan is organized like I am.  She is a planner and likes to know in advance what she is doing.  I am exactly the same way.  We both are the “eldest” in our families and so are “the responsible ones”. Where I was the oldest grandchild of my generation, she is the oldest grandchild of hers. We love to shop together for clothes, we like to have “high” tea on special occasions, and we like to talk about family.  (This week we added tea at the Biltmore Estate to our growing list of venues for tea.) 

I was excited at Megan indulging herself this week by booking a guided horseback ride on the Biltmore Estate.  Remembering how she had her own horse when she was growing up in rural Marin county and how much she loved riding and being around horses, I was happy she chose to do something that brings her such pleasure. 

“I haven’t ridden in nearly 10 years,” she told me.  “Since before I was married…”.  

As a child, the walls of her room at home in Inverness, California had bulletin boards covered with colored ribbons she had won at horse shows.  Her bookshelves were full of children’s and young adult books about horses…everything from Black Beauty to Misty of Chincoteague and so many others. 

We took her  to the stables at the Biltmore Estate and watching her sit tall and straight on the big horse they assigned her to ride made me realize she knew just what to do.  “You don’t forget how to ride,” she said.  “It’s like riding a bicycle…once you learn you always know how.”   I hope that ride will inspire her to find some time in her life when she can do that for herself again.

A riding pro... 

Biltmore Estate stables

It was hard to let her go when I took Megan to the airport yesterday and the moment had come to say goodbye.  I hugged her hard and told her what I have often said to her “you will always be my other child” and part of our family.  

She hugged me back and said “ I know…and you are like my other Mom”. 

“Come back next summer,” I urged. 

“I will,” she told me.  I know she'll find a way to do just that.

Megan at Biltmore Lake...

The Chihuly exhibit at Biltmore Estate

Summertime@Biltmore Lake

Hiking the Biltmore Lake trails

Ready for summer...

“Look…there’s a chickadee,” Austin says excitedly as he stands by the sliding glass doors in our living room looking out on the deck. Early morning is peak bird watching time even though we don’t put out bird feeders because of the bear population around Biltmore Lake. Birds having plenty to feed on this time of year. 

            A large robin perches on the deck railing. I see him often in the mornings, but Austin has already identified him.  “There’s a robin!” he tells me confidently. “His belly is orange”. On our walks (and his choosing to run) around the lake he stops, holds up his index finger and announces “woodpecker!”.  Sure enough, we hear the rhythmic rat tat tat tat even though we weren’t listening for it.

I doubt whether most four-year-old boys notice birds as Austin does. Perhaps it’s because we live in an area with lots of trees and wildlife. But I like to think that Austin is a born lover of nature because he’s always noticed flowers, plants, insects and birds even in his inner city Washington DC neighborhood. Jessica would point out plants and birds as she walked him in his stroller when he was a toddler. Austin, being a observer, took it all in and so he is aware of much of the natural world around him.

            When Austin was at our house last week we’d go for a short walk in the evenings and he would count the brown rabbits with their white puffy cotton tails scurrying around here.  There are plenty this time of year.  He would slowly inch up to one but just as he got very close, the rabbit would scamper off.  It became a challenge and a game but the rabbits were too quick for him. Austin was not so keen to go with me up Pink Beds Trail, however. He had overheard someone a few days ago mention that a bear had been sighted on Pink Beds.  He was not about to go to the end of that trail even three days later.  Nothing gets by this child, I thought.  He remembers everything and he is cautious.

            “Guess what…”is still very much a part of Austin’s chatter and is his lead into telling you everything he knows and is thinking about.  He is a wonderful companion and loves to carry on long conversations.  Jessica says there are few kids his own age who talk as much or as clearly as he does so there isn’t much spoken interaction with other four-year-old kids.  Perhaps he doesn’t notice as he is very much his own person and not shy.

“No way”  with a head shake is another of Austin’s  expressions as he can be very strong minded.  On this visit I watched him go through all his personality changes – from anger to pouting, to all smiles and giggling, to kindness and sweetness.  Then there is a part of him that likes to direct things, tell you what to do…orchestrate. Jessica says it’s the “German Huber genes” coming out.  He has a stubborn side that won’t let go when he gets something in his head he wants to do or some forbidden food he knows he can’t have like cookies or ice cream before a meal.

          The latest challenge for him is handling winning and losing. He plays to win whether it’s Candyland, Go Fish, Baseball, or Running.  He expects to win every single time which is a problem, of course.  I proposed a prize for the loser of Candyland which totally backfired because Austin is too smart.  He deliberately lost so he could win!  His parents deal with this in a calm way and acknowledge that he will grow out of this.

Biltmore Lake Playground

            One morning I told Austin that we would go together to the lake for the morning to swim and play on the swings at the playground. I opened the garage door so we could go in the Prius.

He said excitedly, “You have a Toyota??” 

“How did you know it’s a Toyota?” I asked him taken aback.

He smiled shyly, pointed at the logo on the trunk of the car, and then in a sing song voice he said “Toyota…takes you where you want to go!”

“I’m afraid he picked that up from watching too much ESPN,” Jessica told me apologetically.

             I still smile and can hear him pronounce Toyota with a drawn out “yo” sound.

Austin was thrilled to sit in the front seat buckled in for the very short drive down to the lake while I felt slightly guilty not having transferred the car seat for such a short distance.  Every time after this when we would go somewhere he would beg “can we go in the Toyota?” We might say “no, we have to go in the Subaru so we will all fit” and he would not be impressed. He picked out Toyotas in the parking lot but is obviously not taken with any other car makers. If only the Toyota company knew about Austin Aaronson’s excitement about their cars!

Once at the beach I pulled out his red long sleeved swim shirt for sun protection when Austin pointed out to me that it was made of a special “fabric”.  Again, where did he learn that word and what four year old pays attention?  Nothing gets past this child, I thought.  

We ended each day snuggled in the big armchair in the loft  ith books to read before bedtime.  “What shall we read tonight?”  I would ask after showing him what was in the pile for that evening.

“This one and this one…” Austin pointed.  So we started with the new nonfiction book on the planet Mars that the children’s librarian at the library had selected and told me my grandson would love.  I was skeptical as it looked way too advanced.  Not only was Austin interested he wanted to read it again. The giggling started when we read two Mo Willems Elephant and Piggie books. The friendship between Gerald, an Elephant, and Piggie, his best friend is endearing, the timing, humor, and lesson to be learned perfectly paced for a four year old.  We read each one at least three times. We said goodnight with a hug and kiss and then Mommy appeared for the final bedtime ritual…and all was quiet.

Until next summer...

            The visit is over and I am filled with memories of family and summer activities at Biltmore Lake.  I am remembering how much Austin loves all the family involved in what he is doing.  Whether it’s being outfielders in a whiffle ball game, building sandcastles together on the beach, watching him hit the tennis ball with his Dad, taking walks together on the trails, and going on outings as we did to Chimney Rock for the day. We share in the joy and fun of doing activities that bring us together.

Family together at Sierra Nevada Brewery

Building sand castles

Playing tennis...

Family fun @Chimney Rock

Chimney Rock, N.C.